i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
