Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
