Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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