My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
false alarm. still invincible.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
