peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
