Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
