yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
