I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
