I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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