btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
