Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
