I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
