my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
