The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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