dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
