I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
