there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
