Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
