Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
please come you make the beer taste better
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
