My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
