Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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