I wish I could punch you in the face.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
