I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
