You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
