We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
