My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
