Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my sisters under your porch take her home
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
