I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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