Soap is not a condiment
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
