somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
