Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i believe in u and ur pee
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
