matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
