this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
