come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
