You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
