Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
