Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
