the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
