So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
