i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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