I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
