i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
