Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
