Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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