no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
