I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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