I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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