I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
