An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
