I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
